Blow job, head, dome, oral sex, fellatio, whatever you want to call it, it’s a very personal act to engage in. His hard penis isn’t below our waist where we can’t see it unless we look down. It’s right in front of our face, waiting to be inserted into our mouths. I don’t know what it is about this act that scares the shit out of females, but if I were 18 with a hard penis staring at me again, I’m sure I would remember. I was a late bloomer when it came to sex (maybe it was the good Catholic girl thing) but I didn’t have any sort of sex until I was out of high school, let alone oral sex. I will never forget my first experience with giving head; every article I’d read from Cosmo flashed before my eyes, and I refused to let him know I was a rookie so I tried to remember through my vodka haze. It was this night that I was given my first praise (or my first lie, depending on your view of men).

So, what do we do when we’re faced with this challenge? This isn’t a situation where you can lay there like a dead fish and just let the guy have a “self-masturbation” session if you’re feeling lazy. We have to be involved, be active, and try and get through it if you’re one of those that doesn’t enjoy it. Some will have intercourse with a guy before engaging in oral because they feel like it’s more personal, while there are those who feel the opposite. There are also some who flat out refuse to engage in this activity, which is absolutely their choice, but it does make sex more fun and adventurous if you aren’t afraid of the body part that is supposed to please you.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and bore you with lies about how it’s the hottest thing and feels so good, because that isn’t how I feel. However, I do love the reaction I get from a man, I love the power I have while I’m on my knees with his balls in my hand, and I love it when the favor is returned. All of that makes this so called “job” a fun interaction with a man that can get you excited during the process.

Another thing we have to do is trust the person we’re with. Do we know for sure that they are clean? Do we take their word for it? That is all up to you. Getting on your knees and putting a guy’s penis in your mouth is extremely personal so we need to comfortable 100%. If you don’t really know your partner or don’t trust him (we’ve all been with a man whore or two) then do yourself a favor and slap a condom on his member. We would if we put it in our vaginas, so why shouldn’t we if we’re putting it in our mouths? Stock up on some chocolate flavored condoms and get him into it by having it sound appealing. If you’re excited about seeing what it tastes like, he’ll be more than willing to put it on and watch you work. I’d rather have a guy be slightly upset he has to wear a condom while I’m going down on him than to end up with incurable sores in my mouth. His moments of pleasure don’t counteract that lifetime of misery an STD can leave you with.

It probably used to be simple; women didn’t worry about it because all they did was bob their heads up and down a few times and maybe take some direction when their partner provided it. We now live in such a sexually-explicit time that it’s no longer like that. There are techniques and preferences that are universally known to men and NEED to be known to women. I think that as females, we are still afraid to talk about sex explicitly which makes “word of mouth” an unreliable way to gather information about oral sex. When my best friend asks me for sex advice, I give it without hesitation. However when she asked me for quick tips on how to give head, I stumbled over my words and found myself blushing. It’s such an intimate act that we keep the details to ourselves instead of yelling them from the rooftops like we should to help out our fellow girls.

Personal Preference

One that I think we women run into (I find myself doing this frequently, so forgive me if you don’t fall into my stereotypes) is that we figure that all guys like the same thing, and they’re just happy to be getting laid. While this might be true for some that are desperate and have forgotten what it’s like to have something get them off other than their hands, it isn’t true for the general pool of men. They all have their own preferences, enjoy different techniques, and like you to take direction if it’s provided. You know how when a guy is going down on you and you’re wishing he would move slightly to the left? It’s just like him wishing you would use more mouth and less hands or maybe more hands and less mouth so they can get off quicker. So we have to remember the basics, but also learn to read their body language, their non-verbal cues, and learn that not all dicks are the same.

Every time I start to give a guy head, I have a routine I perform that I eventually have to change, depending on the guy and his preferences. However, if this is a temporary guy and you don’t plan on seeing him again, the default preference will still blow his mind like you want it to. I’m not married and sleeping with the same guy every night, so I don’t have to worry about boredom becoming a factor, even though this may someday become a problem (I say this with hesitancy like I may jinx myself).

As we learned in Sex and the City, there will come a time in every sexual relationship where you play the “blow job tug of war”. Maybe you don’t want to go down on him, maybe it’s too soon, or maybe you’re trying to play hard to get but he will try to lead your head down his body, and you’ll find yourself resisting the first few times this happens to you.

The Basics

Depending on the setting (living room, bedroom, bar alleyway, etc) you may be sitting, standing, laying beside him, or kneeling in front of him. Take the time to get yourself comfortable because you’ll be spending some time down there if you want to get it right. If you’re adjusting your position, try to keep touching him in some way so he knows you aren’t going anywhere; use your hands to pump over his penis or even just kiss or touch whatever is close to you. Normally, when you get down there and you’re getting ready to put him in your mouth, he’s already hard. However if he isn’t, don’t freak out. There have been times I’ve had guys be semi-hard or even completely flaccid if I’m waking them up in the morning with this technique. As soon as you start to move your mouth over him, he’ll perk up, and you’ll know you’re on the right track.

Make sure when you start, you get his dick wet with your mouth first. Lick it from the base to the tip and then put the entire thing in your mouth, leading it towards the roof of your mouth, not your tongue. This is will help reach your gag reflex slower. Even if it’s only for a quick second, they want to feel everything in your mouth, which is warm and wet. If he’s well-endowed, this can be more difficult, especially if you’ve been drinking and regretting that last shot of tequila. Finally, close your lips around it while you’re sliding it out of your mouth and take your tongue and run it along the ridged tip of his penis. You can use both hands and your mouth if he’s big, or one hand and your mouth while softly rubbing his balls in your other hand.

Hands: Two, One, or None

This is a topic that I have gotten mixed messages on since I started giving blowjobs. I always figured men liked more mouth than hands but I also know that it is extremely difficult to give a blowjob without hands. I find it necessary to use them while going down on a guy, especially if he’s well-endowed. So if I’m using both of my hands, I wrap them around the base of his penis and either move them up and down his shaft with my mouth, or I do a slight twisting motion to change up the sensations for him. Be careful with this though because too tight and we’re having a middle school flashback of giving each other Indian rug burns (this visual will now haunt men).

I gave my first blowjob without using my hands after many years of practice. This gentleman wasn’t as big as others, making my job easy, and I was very determined to cross this off my ever-growing bucket list. This guy preferred it that way and probably would have tied my hands behind my back if I had let him. I’ve also been with other guys who have told me the opposite: they can’t get off unless there are hands involved. They’ve said it helps with speed, friction, and their ability to finish in a timely manner. There really isn’t any predicting which a man prefers so you’ll have to learn as you go, or eventually ask them what they like and practice.

Teeth Are Rough… Literally

Teeth. Most guys cringe at the thought of them being incorporated into oral sex, and I always thought that I needed to pretend I wore dentures and had taken out my teeth. In the hundreds of articles I’ve read, this is always the most solid piece of advice they give, so I’ve always abided. However, my theory of this was turned upside down recently when a guy requested me to use my teeth. I looked up at him from my submissive position on my knees like he had told me the sky was red, not blue. I immediately shook my head at him and recited “I’m not supposed to use my teeth” like a four-year-old would recite that they’re not allowed to say bad words. A guy that WANTS me to use my teeth? Is he crazy? However, he walked me through it and explained to me that he wasn’t asking me to bite into it like a banana but rather lightly (extremely lightly) run them along his shaft.

This scared the crap out of me but, being a sexually exploratory kind of girl, I wanted to try it. He had to give me direction, telling me to do it a little harder (I barely touched him, I was scared) and then to lighten up (okay, Goldielocks) but eventually I understood what he was wanting. I figured this guy was a freak of nature or something when I was done, but then I realized, after consulting articles and many hookups and guy friends, that he wasn’t so crazy – and apparently men like it if it’s done correctly. So skim a little off the top (pun intended) and try something that we perceive as forbidden.

The Family Jewels

Now we’re moving even further south, to where his balls hang and we have always been warned are sensitive. For a long time, I just avoided them, pretending they weren’t there, and figured they would ignore me if I ignored them. It wasn’t until I got drunk and brave (liquid courage, am I right?) and a guy specifically requested it that I learned it wasn’t as scary as I’d made it out to be, not unlike deep throating. Hopefully your man is clean and hygienic, because if he’s sweaty and ungroomed, this won’t be pleasant and you’ll be scared away from it forever. Now to clarify, this isn’t the main act. Giving attention to his balls isn’t why he wants a blowjob in the first place, but he definitely doesn’t want you to ignore them (like I did for so long). If you aren’t comfortable with putting them in your mouth, then it’s even as simple as reaching down with one hand and softly rubbing them in your palm, using your fingers.

You can have your other hand around the base of his penis, helping your mouth so you keep the blow job going WHILE paying attention to his family jewels. If you’re feeling more brave and want to use your mouth, then make sure you do so carefully. They are sensitive and one sharp fingernail or scrape of a tooth and he’ll probably go flying across the room. Think of their balls as we think of their egos: sensitive and to be approached with caution. You can put one in your mouth, suck lightly, and then switch to the other, or you can put them both in your mouth at once. Also doing a variation between all three is a good thing to keep his interest. Try to use one or two of your hands on his shaft while you’re down below to keep him hard and excited. Like everything else, this is subjective to the guy because some may not like their balls sucked but rather a tongue ran up between the two of them.

Deep Throating

Now ladies, don’t be scared. I’m not saying you have to go porn star on his huge cock and force it halfway down your throat. Even watching some of those videos makes my eyes water and I just want to high five the girl for taking it like a champ. Depending on your man’s size, you may not even have to push far past the soft section on the roof of your mouth. Sometimes the idea of deep-throating is scarier than the actual act of it. Start out slowly by just bobbing your head up and down like you normally would. Use your hands at the base of his penis and slowly take more of him in your mouth, using less of your hands. If you feel like he’s going in too far, don’t panic. Use more hands and retract your mouth, closing your mouth around the tip of his penis, sucking lightly. Feel free to even run the tip of your tongue around the head. This gives you time to catch your breath and mentally prepare for it again, without him knowing that he gave you a slight panic.

If you seem confident, he’s going to think you meant to do that and believe that you’re teasing him, not trying to control your gag reflex. If this is a man you’re comfortable with, tell him what you’re wanting to do. Having a girl say, “I want to try and deep throat you” is probably sexy as fuck, even if it isn’t as easy to actually succeed at. As I mentioned above, you don’t have to get him all of the way to the back of your throat and leave it there for 60 seconds. If you succeed in getting it there, you only need to make it last for a second or two. Bob back up, take a breath, and then do it again. The sensation of feeling all of him in your mouth won’t be lost on him, even if it’s for a short period of time.

To Swallow or Not to Swallow

Now we’re to the end of our fairytale where the prince and princess live happily ever after and she swallows his cum. Okay, maybe that isn’t exactly how it goes but there’s a reason why the Prince kept Cinderella around and I don’t think it was her pretty blonde hair. This is probably the most controversial part to oral sex and it really just has to do with one thing: your preference. I’ve always swallowed, rather than spit, because I think it’s like taking a shot of liquor: get it down quickly, because it isn’t going to taste good if you just let it settle in your mouth. Swallow it quickly, and the taste will be gone soon. A baby isn’t going to grow in your stomach from it and the worst that will come from it is a bad aftertaste. Take a drink of water, no big deal. However, I understand that this can absolutely repulse some and they absolutely refuse to do it. Again, this is your call. A guy would have to be a complete prick to make you do it when you don’t want to and you should kick him to the bricks in that case anyway. If he’s going to act that way, he didn’t deserve the blowjob in the first place.

If you don’t want to swallow, spit it out. If you are going to do this though, do me a favor and just try swallowing once. Unless his spunk (thank you, Samantha Jones) is rank, then it probably won’t be as bad as you think it is. There are other alternative to the ole “spit vs swallow” debate thing though. If both of these options aren’t for you, try suggesting other things to your partner instead of flat out refusing to swallow, which may come across as refusal of the act, which would turn him off. Instead give him the option of finishing on a different part of your body. Some guys like the idea of cumming on your breasts, your back, or (if you’re willing) your face. I have a strict “not in the hair” policy but that’s just what I happen to be uncomfortable with. If a guy was a weirdo and persistently wanted to get it in my hair, he would also be washing and brushing it. Having boundaries are what keep us comfortable; pushing boundaries are what keep us interested.

The Full Experience

A blowjob should be a tour of the dick. Doing one thing never works; there should be different stages, techniques, and skills involved. Start with teasing them, make good on the tease by bobbing your head up and down, and then tease them again. They’ll be throbbing and begging you to get back down there. Try and find ways to make it work for you. If you’re miserable while you’re down there, he won’t enjoy himself like he should, which is why we’re down there. Giving him good head will leave you feeling successful and leave him thinking a succubus just snuck in his bedroom window. We can be as proper as we want but being able to please your man through oral sex gives you another sense of power. The phrase “lady in the streets, freak in the sheets” came from somewhere and it was a Southern Belle that could give good head. We want to be wanted by our partners, to be seen as sexy, and to have passion. This allows us to give them that feeling and feel them (literally) while they’re receiving it.