How to stay connected and have pleasure in a world of Coronavirus

During a time in our world of extra stress and anxiety, living in fear, and the short and long term effects if you contract COVID-19 this round of flu season or not. The world’s unknowns as a whole and what this may or may not shift for us in a positive direction is all up in the air, literally. This can cause a lot more issues than what is possibly presenting for you right this minute. 

You feel disconnected from how your world was yesterday, your routine, your people, your loves. There is a new routine to implement NOW–not in 3 months-NOW, “DON’T GO ANYWHERE, STAY AWAY FROM OTHERS-AT LEAST 6 FEET, ETC’s!” And just reading that my body was like, “NOOOOO, that doesn’t feel good!” And it’s not good, my body right now is getting tenser, ridged, and drawing in, just writing that. Feelings of sadness, my body’s needs abandoned. For how long? So many details we either don’t know or are unsure of. 

You may also be feeling very similar to what my body is saying to me. You may have extra feels that I didn’t list, as I do as well. And, all of this is totally natural. What you don’t want in a time like this, or at any time, is to ignore how you are managing. Also, keeping in mind that people in your life may not be handling this well and not responding the way you are or have your same perspective. This could also be an added influx of feels and emotions for you.

 
BREATHE. Then…BREATHE again! Allow yourself to acknowledge what you are feeling, feel it, and process. Thereby integrating whatever it is that you are feeling within you and processing through it, not around it, so it lingers.

Yes, our individual actions do have an impact and are directly connected to the global immune system. Beyond the apparent risks associated with this new virus sweeping the world, what it demonstrates most clearly is that we are, in fact, all one, HUMAN-regardless of gender, color, financial status, political views, and lifestyle choices. So maybe we do need to take a pause and connect when it is a time that supports our fullest intentions of pleasure. Is now the time? Or is it a better time to engage when your body can relax, not worry, and be with your partner(s) connected in that specific moment that feels, now so delicious.

So hold on to your panties, I am about to write something that you never hear me say and that goes against everything I believe and teach. (unless talking about information on STI’s) STOP CONNECTING SEXUALLY OR OTHERWISE RIGHT NOW! The only time E and I feel that this is not the case to implement currently is:

• You and your partner are living in the same space sharing a couch, a kitchen, sharing a bed. You’re already sharing air in a confined space permanently.
• Maybe-if, a partner, has been supporting social distancing and staying in their home for 14 days w/o being in someone else’s vicinity (neighbors house, grocery store, bank). Still very risky, but possible. “Based on our analysis of publicly available data, the current recommendation of 14 days for active monitoring or quarantine is reasonable, although with that period some cases would be missed over the long-term,” says study senior author Justin Lessler, an associate professor in the Bloomberg School’s Department of Epidemiology.

But, wait, I have said that having intimate connections and sex will boost your immune system??? YES, I said that, and still, know that to be scientifically true. And again, NOT right now! Having more connection and pleasure in general, intimately and sexually, will be a fantastic addition to implement going forward in support of yourself to lessen cases of the yearly flu and colds, stress. Along with all of the other yummy exciting benefits these interactions have on our bodies. BUT, right NOW, it is a great way to spread the virus, and the pros, in my eyes, definitely do NOT outway the cons. News flash, we still don’t know all the cons.

 
Remember, we need to be thinking not only about ourselves but for others and keeping everyone around you and globally as safe as possible. You don’t know what that cashier’s status is with her immune system, hell you may not know about yours either. And, I can guarantee that if sugar and gluten are in your diet, your immune system is taking an ongoing hit! (That’s another post entirely.)
So what do you do to stay connected and have some pleasure in your life while all this crazy is happening? 

I have a few ideas to keep you connected and feeling good in your body in time of not coming together physically. Make it playful! 

Non-partnered: Think about yourself thoroughly. Take this time to discover what it is your body is needing at this moment and going forward in connection and pleasure.

Is it a hug? 

• Wrap your own arms around your body, cross in the front, and squeeze yourself. Maybe even tell yourself how wonderful you are, and all the qualities you love about being you!
• Take a blanket and wrap yourself up.

Is it erotic touch? 

• Your fingers are full of nerve endings. Take some time and explore your own body. Incorporate your favorite areas and also move into some discovery of areas you typically don’t touch. 
• Erotic self-pleasure, over and over. Try some new moves…up and down, side to side, circles, pressures, and rhythms. Practice makes pleasure!

Partnered monogamous: It’s you and your love “cabin fever connection.”

Is it fun?

• Play games. Board games, cards, dice, non-sexy, and sexy games are in almost all of our homes to use. If your kids took them when they moved out or you sold them in the last garage sale. Make up your own games. Maybe even incorporate sex toys and sensation items in your games!

Is it nurturing? 

• Cuddle! Yes, just cuddle. When you cuddle, your body releases a hormone called oxytocin that calms and makes you more likely to deal with stress appropriately.

Is it erotic? 

• Time to try some new positions you have always wanted to try! 

• Try some new pleasure aids that you still have sitting in the box or could use some practice to really know how it works best for your body. Play in ways you don’t usually play with it.

Here is one of my favorite penetrative positions, fantastic with an attached penis and/or strap-on dildo. 

The Oasis -She will unleash her inner sex goddess!

Difficulty Medium – MF,FF 

INSTRUCTIONS: You sit on the floor, or the bed upright with your knees slightly bent wide apart and leaning slightly forward. Your partner will position herself on top of you upright face to face with her arms holding/hugging around your neck and upper part of your back, with her legs spread on both sides of your booty. You support her body, holding her, as this allows her to lean forward into you or slightly backward and grind, rock back and forth front to back, side to side, and up and down on your cock/strap-on with her pelvis.

WHY I LOVE IT: This position is one of my absolute favorites! Talk about allowing me to unleash my inner sex goddess, and this indeed allows for that. This position puts me in the driver’s seat for connective eye contact, deeper depth for penetration, control of speed, breast stimulation via frontal body connection. I own my empowerment of pleasure to get it how I want it at that moment!

EXTRA TIPS: As with any position, listen to your body; if you have an injury, make accommodations to move how it works for you. Keeping your body comfortable while in any position is essential to your body’s overall pleasure. If you are on the floor, use a blanket or pillow to cushion your booty. Bonus for her, this position allows for complete vulva and clitoral stimulation; she will be able to rub and create friction on you as she moves. 

Ethically non-monogamous, non-partnered and partnered: Add that extra love. 

• All of the above from Non-partnered if you are not with someone at home. AND…below.
• All of the above from Partnered if you are partnered and have that person with you. AND…below.
• Set up a virtual date. Play with this, have a discovery talk, go out to eat, see a movie together or go on a walk, even foreplay and sex!
  • Set a time. Use one of a variety of virtual means to see each other face-to-face. Two that I use are, Whats-app and Zoom. (Zoom is free for 2 users for as long as you want, free for 45 min for 3 or more users.) 
    • Discovery talks:
      • A discovery into learning more about each other, take turns to ask a question, and each of you is answering it.
    • Dinner:
      • Set each of you up to actually eat, talk and cheers with a clank on the table. Pretend you even have a server and that you’re paying the check before you move into the next activity. 
    • Movie:
      • Pick a movie, start it at the same time and watch together. If you need to potty or pause let the other one know, count to 3 and pause it at the same time, so it starts back at the same time counting to 3 again.
    • Walk:
      • Grab your phone, headphones, headphones splitter if there are two of you, and plugin. Slowly walking altogether, listening, and talking. 
    • Foreplay and sex: 
      • Sexting- those juicy words can make you aroused and feel connected.  
        • “The smell of your skin makes my body tingle and gets me so wet.” 
        • “I love when you run your hands, in that special spot you know so well.”
        • “I’m picturing your lips wrapped around ______.”
        • “I’m picturing your tongue ______.” 
      • Phone sex- all the yummy sounds you can hear from the other end. 
        • Don’t forget to describe what is happening, and allow the sexy sounds to resonate out to the phone.
      • Visual virtual sex- this is a bit more tricky for some. So use this one with a bit more caution. 
        • Tip, even if you aren’t seeing everything, this can be an incredible tease, you are hearing it all and seeing what parts you feel comfortable broadcasting. My stomach and hips are very sexy moving, even if you can’t see the specifics of what my hands, fingers, and toys are doing!

These are just a few ideas to get you in the mindset of virtual connecting when it is needed. Play with this, make it fun and original to how it best fits for you! Enjoy the connecting and pleasure in all its various forms virtually.

I like to learn from every experience I have. This experience that I am currently in, I am postulating, “We discover, learn, and change ____.” To help us grow positively from this time we are presently in. Join me in this movement to make some positive changes going forward and take care of you now. There will be plenty of time to touch and rub all over each other soon enough, I promise!!

YES, I would love to connect with you! I, too, am feeling all of the disconnect happening in this world. Please say HI, and let me know how you are doing during this crazy time. Are you doing something to help keep your juices flowing? Please hit reply to this email and send your ideas over, and you may see your share in a future LoveLetter, Blog post, or Podcast!

Huge hugs & still loving you from afar~Dragonfly